A Glimpse into the NBA's First Annual All-Star Player Draft
Today is the day of the NBA All-Star game selection of rosters from those ten players elected as starters. Lebron James, Steph Curry, Kevin Durant, Anthony Davis, James Harden, DeMarcus Cousins, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Joel Embiid, DeMar DeRozan, and Kyrie Irving. Some of the best this game, and the world, have to offer. Due to this being such a widely anticipated event, Commisioner Adam Silver has decided not to televise the event in any fashion.
Wait, what?
Yes! Can you believe it! One of the more highly intriguing attention-grabbing events in recent sports memory and the league it falls under is not taking advantage of an opportunistic chance to make money. A peculiar decision, assuredly.
But enough talk. Shh! The event is beginning!
Commissioner Silver steps up to an invisible microphone, because this event does not actually exist.
"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen."
This imaginary draft is being conducted over bacon and eggs.
"Thank you for being here for the first annual NBA All-Star game Player Draft. Lebron James is now on the clock."
The not-real camera for this not-real event pans to and zooms in on Lebron James sitting at a table closest to the podium. This is because said table is directly next to the podium. James has asked Commissioner Silver for this to occur.
James takes a long slurp from his vino-filled coffee mug, his head bobbing as Big Sean's "All Figured Out" starts resonating through his speakers.
Sheesh! James's beverage of choice is strong. James eloquently strokes his beard for another moment before settling on the first selection for his All-Star squad.
Curry looks through the remaining list of players available, not unlike His Heirness did once upon a time in Looney Tune Land as the Monstars descended. Curry seems to settle on one name and boldly declares, "Gimme the Brow." When we look back, this will be the cornerstone laid for the eventual Brow-Warriors union.
Roster Update:
Lebron Steph
KD AD
Because the turn is once again his, the King turns to his court. He has brought with him for this event Dwyane Wade, James Jones, Mike Miller, and JR Smith. As Kevin Love watches this not-real event from his couch, he ponders why he wasn't invited to be a part of James's crew. James and company put their heads together to weight out their current options. After this quintet decide that drafting him would be about the most passive aggressive way of stating their interest in acquiring the big man in life outside of this fantasy event, James announces with a forthright authority, "We got Boogie."
To some not watching this not-real event, this may seem like a corresponding pick to offset the other New Orleans big man drafted one pick before. To many others, this looks like a text message from James himself to Cavaliers GM Coby Altman. In a bit of seemingly unrelated news, shortly after this draft concludes, the Cavaliers trade Tristan Thompson, Cedi Osman, and the Brooklyn Nets 2018 first round draft pick for Cousins.
Curry, after some consideration, selects The Beard, again prompting many to believe that there is no bad blood between the two sensational Western guards. In another piece of unrelated news, the Western Conference Finals will see Curry go off for 41, 38, 37, and 34 and average four 3s a game as his Warriors easily dispatch Harden's Rockets in four games. Many will note the fact that throughout the series Curry can be seen mocking Harden's "cooking" celebration.
Roster Update:
Lebron Steph
KD AD
Boogie Harden
James is up again. His music has shifted to 2Pac, and as our non-existent camera hones in on him again, he hastily tries to skip past the song that has come up three clicks in a row, "To Live & Die in L.A.," before settling on "Picture Me Rollin." James lets out a mild sigh, and deftly puts his phone under the table before making his next selection. Sensing that he has enough height for the present time, he settles upon a choice that will give his team another ball handler and a shooter.
"I'll take D-Mar," he states matter-of-factly, emphasizing the D, rather than accurately pronouncing the Toronto guard's name. DeMar has been in a state of shock this entire draft due to its location in Los Angeles, just 24 minutes north of his hometown.
Curry, noting that one of the world's most freakish athletes is still available, practically leaps at the opportunity to select an international delight.
"Giannnnnnnnnnnnisssssss, come on over big fella!" Curry joyfully exclaims. Giannis lets out a big χαμόγελο, which is Greek for smile, as he ambles over to the Western Conference side of these proceedings.
I forgot to mention that because James's table is directly to the right of the podium, the Durantala and Boogie have been precariously placed at a smaller, "kids-table" if you will, even farther to the right inside this venue. Steph & Ayesha & Riley Curry are at a larger table off-stage to the left of the stage and podium. Ryan Curry, the Currys younger daughter, is at home. The Currys have hired Nick Young and Javale McGee to babysit, which can in no way go horribly wrong. Anthony Davis and James Harden have moved to join this Western Conference table, and Harden and Ayesha Curry have taken to amicably discussing their favorite dishes.
Roster Update:
Lebron Steph
KD AD
Boogie Harden
DeRozan Giannis
Alas, here we are. There are two players left for selection. Joel "The Thrill" Embiid and one Kyrie Irving, enigma.
It is pick-time for Lebron James and he has what appears to be an easy decision. On the one hand, he has a massive, relative NBA unknown who has been playing basketball for all of eight years. James definitely does not need another big body on his squad, as he usually plays larger than life and he already employs two seven-footers in Durant and Cousins. Plus, if there's anything we know about James it is that he is always in it to win and seeks to implant himself around the most talent he possibly can. Furthermore, he could use a skilled guard to offset the two dynamo point guards on the West's side. The decision here is an easy one.
James collects himself, rises, and announces the penultimate pick, "We got Embiid."
The not-present crowd at this not-real event lets out an imaginary gasp! James has just elected to spurn his former running mate and the key piece to his lone championship for his hometown of Cleveland. Curry finalizes the affair by taking Irving, and the draft ends, but not without a not-real mumble of the events that have just transpired.
The rosters are set: The "East" squad of Lebron, Durant, Cousins, DeRozan, and Embiid will try to knock off the home-team "West" lineup of Curry, Davis, Harden, Antetokounmpo, and Irving.
Let the game begin.
Wait, what?
Yes! Can you believe it! One of the more highly intriguing attention-grabbing events in recent sports memory and the league it falls under is not taking advantage of an opportunistic chance to make money. A peculiar decision, assuredly.
But enough talk. Shh! The event is beginning!
Commissioner Silver steps up to an invisible microphone, because this event does not actually exist.
"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen."
This imaginary draft is being conducted over bacon and eggs.
"Thank you for being here for the first annual NBA All-Star game Player Draft. Lebron James is now on the clock."
The not-real camera for this not-real event pans to and zooms in on Lebron James sitting at a table closest to the podium. This is because said table is directly next to the podium. James has asked Commissioner Silver for this to occur.
James takes a long slurp from his vino-filled coffee mug, his head bobbing as Big Sean's "All Figured Out" starts resonating through his speakers.
"It's crazy how they think you got it all figured out
Just because your bank account gets all figured out
Next time somebody try and tell you how to run your s---
And they ain't major s---
Do yourself a favor: kick em out"
Sheesh! James's beverage of choice is strong. James eloquently strokes his beard for another moment before settling on the first selection for his All-Star squad.
"I got KD," the father of three declares in his signature intonation. Kevin Durant, all 7'1" of him, unfurls vertically and saunters up to the stage. Commissioner Silver stands ready to greet this ceremony's first selection, but the Slim Reaper calmly eurosteps past him to give a big bro hug to his career-foil in James. KD saunters off stage, but not before turning toward the non-existent crowd and lifting up his suit coat to unveil a shimmering, glittery, cupcake-emblazoned shirt.
Our fake camera turns now to Stephen Curry, the wonder-lad from Davidson. Curry removes his Chef hat he has worn just for this occasion, to now calmly run a hand through his stubble of hair atop his crown. James has just scooped up his first choice. With one pick, the landscape of this draft has been altered.
Curry looks through the remaining list of players available, not unlike His Heirness did once upon a time in Looney Tune Land as the Monstars descended. Curry seems to settle on one name and boldly declares, "Gimme the Brow." When we look back, this will be the cornerstone laid for the eventual Brow-Warriors union.
Roster Update:
Lebron Steph
KD AD
Because the turn is once again his, the King turns to his court. He has brought with him for this event Dwyane Wade, James Jones, Mike Miller, and JR Smith. As Kevin Love watches this not-real event from his couch, he ponders why he wasn't invited to be a part of James's crew. James and company put their heads together to weight out their current options. After this quintet decide that drafting him would be about the most passive aggressive way of stating their interest in acquiring the big man in life outside of this fantasy event, James announces with a forthright authority, "We got Boogie."
To some not watching this not-real event, this may seem like a corresponding pick to offset the other New Orleans big man drafted one pick before. To many others, this looks like a text message from James himself to Cavaliers GM Coby Altman. In a bit of seemingly unrelated news, shortly after this draft concludes, the Cavaliers trade Tristan Thompson, Cedi Osman, and the Brooklyn Nets 2018 first round draft pick for Cousins.
Curry, after some consideration, selects The Beard, again prompting many to believe that there is no bad blood between the two sensational Western guards. In another piece of unrelated news, the Western Conference Finals will see Curry go off for 41, 38, 37, and 34 and average four 3s a game as his Warriors easily dispatch Harden's Rockets in four games. Many will note the fact that throughout the series Curry can be seen mocking Harden's "cooking" celebration.
Roster Update:
Lebron Steph
KD AD
Boogie Harden
James is up again. His music has shifted to 2Pac, and as our non-existent camera hones in on him again, he hastily tries to skip past the song that has come up three clicks in a row, "To Live & Die in L.A.," before settling on "Picture Me Rollin." James lets out a mild sigh, and deftly puts his phone under the table before making his next selection. Sensing that he has enough height for the present time, he settles upon a choice that will give his team another ball handler and a shooter.
"I'll take D-Mar," he states matter-of-factly, emphasizing the D, rather than accurately pronouncing the Toronto guard's name. DeMar has been in a state of shock this entire draft due to its location in Los Angeles, just 24 minutes north of his hometown.
Curry, noting that one of the world's most freakish athletes is still available, practically leaps at the opportunity to select an international delight.
"Giannnnnnnnnnnnisssssss, come on over big fella!" Curry joyfully exclaims. Giannis lets out a big χαμόγελο, which is Greek for smile, as he ambles over to the Western Conference side of these proceedings.
I forgot to mention that because James's table is directly to the right of the podium, the Durantala and Boogie have been precariously placed at a smaller, "kids-table" if you will, even farther to the right inside this venue. Steph & Ayesha & Riley Curry are at a larger table off-stage to the left of the stage and podium. Ryan Curry, the Currys younger daughter, is at home. The Currys have hired Nick Young and Javale McGee to babysit, which can in no way go horribly wrong. Anthony Davis and James Harden have moved to join this Western Conference table, and Harden and Ayesha Curry have taken to amicably discussing their favorite dishes.
Roster Update:
Lebron Steph
KD AD
Boogie Harden
DeRozan Giannis
Alas, here we are. There are two players left for selection. Joel "The Thrill" Embiid and one Kyrie Irving, enigma.
It is pick-time for Lebron James and he has what appears to be an easy decision. On the one hand, he has a massive, relative NBA unknown who has been playing basketball for all of eight years. James definitely does not need another big body on his squad, as he usually plays larger than life and he already employs two seven-footers in Durant and Cousins. Plus, if there's anything we know about James it is that he is always in it to win and seeks to implant himself around the most talent he possibly can. Furthermore, he could use a skilled guard to offset the two dynamo point guards on the West's side. The decision here is an easy one.
James collects himself, rises, and announces the penultimate pick, "We got Embiid."
The not-present crowd at this not-real event lets out an imaginary gasp! James has just elected to spurn his former running mate and the key piece to his lone championship for his hometown of Cleveland. Curry finalizes the affair by taking Irving, and the draft ends, but not without a not-real mumble of the events that have just transpired.
The rosters are set: The "East" squad of Lebron, Durant, Cousins, DeRozan, and Embiid will try to knock off the home-team "West" lineup of Curry, Davis, Harden, Antetokounmpo, and Irving.
Let the game begin.
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